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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28700289">No regrets</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia3546/pseuds/Emilia3546'>Emilia3546</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nesta's healing [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, F/M, Feels, Jealous Nesta, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:46:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28700289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilia3546/pseuds/Emilia3546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Nesta finally works up the courage to talk to Cassian after the war, but when she steps outside, he's talking to another female.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nesta Archeron/Cassian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Nesta's healing [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120889</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No regrets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cassian grinned, and laughed, really laughed, the female placed a hand on his chest, leaning into him a little bit as she giggled. Nesta turned away, the female's amber eyes burning a hole in her skull as she walked back to the house. She didn't care. He could flirt with whoever he wanted to. He could fuck whoever he wanted to. She didn't care.</p><p>She carefully closed the door, sinking onto the couch, her mind racing. She flicked through her book to her last page, trying to read, but there was something about the love interest in her book that forced her mind to wander back to those hazel eyes, that laugh. He had never laughed like that for her, never. She forced herself to focus back on the pages before her, but the way the author described the character, it seemed that he was right there next to her, she could almost hear him chuckling at her choice of book.</p><p>She closed the book in disgust, glancing around her, no one was there, she was imagining things, that was it, she was just tired, she should go to bed. Cassian was still outside, leaning against the house as the female ran her hand up his arm, smiling for him, her eyes flicking inside to Nesta, and her grin merely widened. A wolf showing her fangs, that's all she was, but Nesta just scoffed and turned to go upstairs. </p><p>She froze on the stairs, what if he brought her in? She didn't want to hear that, not when she was trying to sleep. Where else could she go, no one would want her, and she certainly didn't want to find her way into a random male's bed, not again. She sighed, resigning herself to her fate and trudged up the stairs, hoping that they wouldn't be too loud.</p><p>*****</p><p>Cassian shrugged her hand away, leaning back into the wall, trying to increase the distance between them,</p><p>"Mae," he allowed his tone to drop into a slight warning, but she paid him no heed, brazenly running her hand up his arm, and grinning triumphantly into the house, where he had no doubt Nesta had noticed, was probably watching after she practically ran back inside a few moments ago. "Mae." He repeated, his tone harsher this time,</p><p>"Hmmm," she mumbled, reaching out to touch his chest again,</p><p>"Mae. <em>Stop.</em>"He caught her hand, and annoyance flashed in her eyes,</p><p>"What? You wanna go inside first?"</p><p>"I said <em>stop,</em> Mae. A little bit of flirting doesn't bother me, but this," she raised an eyebrow, and pretended to realize what he meant,</p><p>"I'm not good enough for you," she whispered, forcing herself to cry, </p><p>"It's not that and you know it." He snapped, not fooled for a moment, "Stop this now, you're just looking pathetic,"</p><p>"So what? I want you, when I want something I go for it, is that so wrong?"</p><p>"No. Not really, but I said no, so stop now, and I'll let it go."</p><p>"C'mon, you've been really stressed lately, I know the lords have been getting on your nerves, I can help with that." She stepped closer again, and gasped when he pushed her back gently,</p><p>"No, you can't, I don't want a meaningless fuck, how hard is that to understand?"</p><p>"Maybe it wouldn't be meaningless?"</p><p>"Yes, yes it would. You will find someone who really wants you like that, I don't. You are a friend, although if you can't let it go, perhaps that will change." She backed away a few steps,</p><p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, I just-"</p><p>"I get it. I've seen the looks between you two, you wanted to get under Nesta's skin. Don't bother, I'm not sure she even notices anything I do anyway unless it directly affects her."</p><p>"Why do you spend time with her?" Mae blurted out, "I mean, she obviously hates you."</p><p>"No, she doesn't," he said, his gaze falling back through the window, Nesta was gone, she hadn't stayed long enough to see him push Mae away, "She's hurting, and she doesn't know how to cope. She's hurting, and I need to help her. I <em>can</em> help her. Whatever disagreement you had, you need to resolve it, without resorting to pettiness, okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose you're right, I'll see you at training tomorrow." Cassian only watched her retreating form for a moment to make sure she got back home safely before pushing the door open.</p><p>"Nesta? Where'd you go?" A soft voice called from upstairs and Cassian had restraining himself from sprinting up the stairs, he barely held back from running straight to her at the brokenness in her tone. "Nesta? Are you okay?"</p><p>"Where is she then?"</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"Mae. If you're going to fuck her, I don't need to hear it. I don't care." She snarled, more trying to convince herself than him, it seemed.</p><p>"I'm not going to fuck her, Nesta." He said softly, closing her door behind him, "Don't get me wrong she wanted me to but-" </p><p>"You didn't?" She sat up, blinking quickly to try to hide the tears forming in her eyes,</p><p>"No, I didn't. You know that there's only one person I want, and that I'll wait forever for her if necessary." Nesta pulled the sheets tight around herself, and wiped her eyes again, the scent of her tears almost bringing Cassian to his knees, almost left him begging for her forgiveness, for even letting Mae flirt a bit.</p><p>"Forever?"</p><p>"I wasn't kidding. We have time now, I will give you all the time you need, but I don't want any of them, I haven't since the first I laid eyes on you."</p><p>"Why?" Her voice broke on the question, "Why would you want me?"</p><p>"Why does the sun need the moon? You're my mirror, I've never seen my own soul reflected so perfectly in another person. I don't care how long it takes, how long you need, I will be here if you want me." She pursed her lips, and he took that as his cue to leave, "Sleep well, Nes." For once she didn't snap at him for shortening her name and backed to the door, freezing at her voice the moment he touched the handle,</p><p>"Wait. Stay. I'm sorry, I overreacted. I shouldn't care, cauldron knows I shouldn't care, it only hurts when I allow myself to care, but I do care. I <em>do</em> care, gods damn it, I care what you do, I care if you fuck other females, I know I have no right, but I just-" she broke off as her hands started shaking, and she pulled her knees up to her chest, no longer bothering to try to hide the tears streaming down her face, "I just don't deserve you," she whispered, her tears glowing with the power now racing through her veins, the same power that threatened to destroy her if she couldn't learn to control it.</p><p>Cassian sank onto the bed beside her, pulling her gently into his side, an arm around her shoulders as she sobbed. Gods, she seemed so small like this, so vulnerable, it woke an instinct within him, roaring at him to protect her, to shield her from the hurt, but he let her talk,</p><p>"I let my baby sister walk into the forest alone, all because I was too scared to go myself, all because our father should have protected us! I let her get taken away by the fae, I failed her, Cass." He stiffened, she had never shortened his name before, never. "And then, when I finally could protect Elain, I failed again." Cassian rubbed her shoulder, and cradled her head against his chest,</p><p>"You did everything you could. You rode through the forests to try to get Feyre back. You fought like a plains-cat to protect Elain. You killed the king of Hybern."</p><p>"And it wasn't enough. My sisters were turned fae against their will because it wasn't enough. You nearly died because it wasn't enough. And, and you chose Mor." His heart stopped. Had he chosen Mor? Not deliberately, but he <em>had</em> been worried about her opinion. He <em>had </em>downplayed his feelings for Nesta in front of her. But he had never meant to make her feel second best.</p><p>"Nesta, sweetheart, you are <em>not</em> second to Mor, and I am so sorry to have made you think that. Yes, I was worried what she thought, but it doesn't matter now. I don't care what she thinks anymore. I can't deny what I feel for you, and I will always wait for however long you want. But please, please don't do this to yourself, come back to me. Please."</p><p>"I'm sorry." She sniffled, "I was so rude after the war, I didn't know what to do with myself, with the pain. I still don't, but I never meant to hurt you."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>She lifted her head from where it rested on his chest, and as her gaze met his, she smiled,</p><p>"I'm done wasting time. You said you regretted that we didn't have time. I don't know how much we actually have. I'm done making you wait. Just, just," her voice broke and she sniffed, "I don't know what to do. But, if, if you help me?"</p><p>"Yes." he breathed, "I will always help you, all you have to do is ask." His breath caught as she lifted her head, and brushed her lips against his,</p><p>"Thank you."</p><p>"It will take time, Nesta, it will, but I will be right here for every step." She snuggled into his chest, and gripped his hand. She didn't let go of it all night, and Cassian was glad that he had changed out of his training leathers earlier as he lay he down on the bed, pulling her onto his chest and wrapping his wings around her. He fell asleep holding her tight against him as she snuggled into him.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I might make this one a series about Nesta's healing, I guess eventual smut, would you guys want to read that?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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